Courage is not my strong suit, but last night I let some show, and I’m glad I did. I gave a piece of my mind to a complete stranger who was loudly and publicly berating his female partner.

It was at the local health food store, which is not where I’d expect to see emotional or verbal abuse. After all, this sort of place is supposedly a bastion of enlightenment and progressive values, where shoppers eat clean and hence possess brains and psyches uncontaminated by toxins in conventional food. I was being rung out in the checkout line, and the couple was right behind me. The woman had committed the seemingly unforgivable sin of picking up a tapenade instead of whole olives. The man’s words and tone of voice were so harsh that when they left to go find the right jar I asked the cashier, “Did you hear that?” The cashier rolled her eyes in agreement, and the cashier from the next aisle over chimed in that he had been yelling at her in the produce section.

The man came back alone, and fired up by the cashier’s evidence, I told him that he had disturbed my peace by raising his voice to his partner and to never engage in that kind of verbal abuse again in my presence. At least I hope that’s what I said, but I was so scared that I have no idea what came out of my mouth. He didn’t lose his temper, and he must have sensed how weak I was, because he brushed me off like a fly and instructed me to go about my business. His disdain triggered me, and I pointed to the cross around his neck and told him to take it off because he was a hypocrite.

Then fear overcame impulsivity, and I took my bags and left. Many others would have voted for caution even earlier. As a dear friend who happens to be an inner city middle school teacher messaged me, “Oooooo, girl. Be careful. You never know if angry white man be packin’ these dayze.”

The whole thing really shook me up, and I was almost in tears as I recounted what happened in conversations with guys I met in the supermarket that was next on my food shopping circuit. One man promised to take a stand if he ever witnessed abuse, sexual harassment or even degrading locker room talk. Another volunteered that he has sisters and already does so.

I’ll open my mouth again, because MeToo has taught me that we are all sisters, and because one of the reasons men get away with cruelty to women is that until MeToo, we tended to remain silent. But MeToo could use a brother called HeToo, so men, please step up to the plate if you see shaming, belittlement, or any sort of mistreatment.

I’ve got to believe that abusers of all stripes are in the minority, and that most men reading this post are just as concerned as anyone about the damage to women, children, and even the perpetrators themselves wrought by emotional abuse and sexual harassment. Those two are not identical twins, but they are in the same psychological family. There has been talk of bewilderment about what, precisely, men can do to stem the epidemic of bad behavior toward women. Here’s an idea: a call-out from a man may carry more weight than one from a woman, at least with certain perpetrators, so men, I implore you, if you see something, say something.