Is your man open-minded and secure enough to accept coaching? A stereotype is the man who “knows that he alone” has to pull himself out of his own mess: He may be thinking of suicide, he or his kids may be in jail or on drugs, his ex-wives may be raving lunatics or may have fled in desperation, he may have no friends, he may have declared bankruptcy or lost his home to foreclosure, and he may still be living in financial terror every day, his dog may have run away … and these conditions may have been going on for decades… but NO, I DON’T NEED HELP. I CAN SOLVE MY OWN PROBLEMS. For me, this rule is non-negotiable: if a man’s not open to change and growth, he’s not a keeper. That means asking him if he’s ever gone to a therapist.

Why is this so important? Not because therapists help… they may, they may not…. but because people who seek therapy are willing to admit to their limitations. They no longer confuse themselves with God, and they are aware that answers can be found in learning from our fellow man.

Don’t accept pale imitations of humility, such as a sheepish and self-deprecating grin calculated to inform that he has learned his lessons. Don’t fall for it.

Therapy is no guarantee that someone will change, but at a minimum it should lead to a better understanding of oneself. Many of our bad habits lie close to the surface and can be accessed by a little guided work. On our own, though, they remain the elephant in the room that we fail to notice, and even if an awareness breaks through that maybe, just maybe, we have something to do with our problems, the answer will remain buried, so close yet buried. See Rule No. 3 in Signs You Should Run For The Exits. If your man can’t provide a clear explanation of his role in his problems, then you can be sure he will return to the stage for an encore. Don’t play leading lady in his tragedy’s next act.